Your “inner child” is the part of
you that still carries feelings, memories, and beliefs from childhood. According
to famed psychologist Carl Jung, our inner child is the part of our
subconscious mind that’s the driving force behind many of our emotions and gut
reactions. That’s because the positive and negative experiences we have when
we’re children and our feelings about those experiences tend to define our
internalized belief system that we carry with us into adulthood.
How the inner child shapes us.
As children, we depend on others to
meet our needs. We learn what to expect from the world by how we are treated.
If we were supported, listened to, and cared for, we may grow up feeling
secure. But if we feel we were not getting enough attention, criticised,
neglected, shamed, or made to feel unsafe, we may carry those experiences into
adulthood as fear, self-doubt, or deep sensitivity to rejection. This does not
necessarily mean your parents were “bad” or careless, but it is just the way
that you interpreted and experienced your world as a child.
Because our earliest conditions are not always in our control, learning to regulate in adaptive ways comes harder for some of us than for others. And for many of us, the hardest place to feel safe is inside our own mind.
What is your self-talk?
What do you say about yourself when
you
• make
a mistake?
• look
in the mirror?
• lie
in bed at night?
An inner child that hurts shows up in many
ways.
- · A person may become a perfectionist because they once learned that mistakes were not accepted.
- Another may become a people-pleaser because they felt love had to be earned.
- · Someone
else may struggle to trust others, avoid conflict, or feel anxious without
knowing why.
- · Some
people become very critical of others to try and feel better themselves.
- · Unfortunately,
others become addicted to sooth their own subconscious pain.
These are often not random habits —
they can be old survival strategies that once helped a child cope.
How it affects self-esteem
Children tend to believe what
happens around them is a reflection of who they are. If they are treated with
patience and respect, they are more likely to believe they. If a child felt
ignored, unsafe, or not good enough, they may grow up carrying a quiet sense of
shame or unworthiness.
How somatic counselling helps
The word “somatic” means relating to
the body. This matters because stress and trauma are not only experienced in
the mind. They are also felt in the body and nervous system. Instead of
focusing only on thoughts and memories, somatic counselling also pays attention
to physical sensations stored in the Central Nervous System.
Over time, this can help a person
feel safer inside their own body. As the nervous system becomes more regulated,
it becomes easier to respond calmly instead of reacting automatically. The
person may begin to feel less overwhelmed by old feelings and more able to
choose how they want to act in the present.
Disclaimer.
This article is not intended to take the place of medical advice from your personal physician
Francois Prinsloo is a registered MLNP Life Coach and Trauma Counsellor
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